Week Update 19
The blonde called 911, screaming "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".
The dispatch said "Mam, please calm down. I need to get some information from you".
Again the blonde yelled "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".
The dispatch said "Mam calm down, How do we get to your house?".
She replied "Duh... In the big red truck".
I'm not sure as to whether I could sum up the situation better than the above blonde joke, as Julia and Emilie were at home attempting to light a fire and unaware of the logistics of this difficult operation and perhaps a little misunderstanding of the ventilation system, they were thrown back by a bomb of smoke that blew up in their faces. They'd very well smoked out the whole house. In a state of vague panic, the damsels in distress, called 911 as debatably a ploy to be in the company of the buffed firemen. Whoever said two heads are better than one was a complete idiot. In fact, it substantially lowers our already non-existent reasoning skills.The girls escaped with only a minor case of the black lung and a little disappointed with not being able to use the stop, drop and roll method. Once the unsuspecting firemen arrived to their fan club, there was no longer any need for their conventional firefighting equipment, well not at that point anyway as it’s still within question as to whether the girls exchanged numbers with them! They’re now apart of a minority group who’ve escaped a near death experience and lived to tell the tale, alongside those who have been attacked by a shark or struck by lightning….Ah, never a dull moment!
- Assuming you have batteries in the alarm, as these costs eat into your cider fund. Alarm others by hysterically screaming "FIRE!
- Don't call 000, as even though this may be your instinct in the event of a fire situation, this is also charged at an international rate, also eating into the cider fund- rookie mistake.
- Establish the appropriate appliance, as this is a vague term and it's important to note that hair straighteners are not going to be of any use. Although, regarded as a priority item when evacuating.
- No one became a hero knocking someone else down in a desperate attempt to get out the door.
- This also applies to Facebook, remember there is no need to update your status during this time.
- Let's keep in mind that the meeting place needs to be outside the direct fire area.
This experience has been a wake-up call to invest in some batteries and to also formulate an evacuation plan, as more time has been spent on how to protect our chocolate stash, as stated below. Our friend Emilie has moved into our house for a week or so, therefore it has become necessary to lay out the rules for sharing chocolate with the scarcity of Australian chocolate, as sent from home for Easter. There are a strict set of rules to be adhered to at least for the life of the chocolate. Failure to follow said rules will result in being called a "freakin douch bag."
Official Rules of Chocolate Sharing
1. The last piece of chocolate is off limits. The owners aka Julz and Lydia have the right to reserve up to three chocolates each, but must state a damn good reason for doing so, "coz they're mine" will simply not suffice.
2. Any chocolate borrowed must be eventually paid back in the form of Australian chocolate (Canadian chocolate won't do for a confectionery debt). Only when someone has been noted for borrowing chocolate excessively does a lender have the right to ask for repayment at any time- log books will be kept to track frequent borrowers. Anyone that strictly requires repayment should be dubbed a tight ass.
3. The right to chocolate can be suspended if the borrower has been noted for being a dick. This can be extended for bitching about the Cadbury flavor, to quote "I don't know what's so good about Australian chocolate" because if you don't like the flavor, then you are clearly lying thus this issue will be addressed separately. Failure to do so will result in harassment. This is only for extreme cases of freeloading, where the freeloader is an incontestable chronic borrower.
4. The chocolate owners have the right to limit chocolate sharing in the event of a catastrophe. Such examples include a large number of people craving chocolate however please note that females can not claim Rule 4 every month, this particular cycle will also be tracked in log books in conjunction with borrowing frequencies. Other examples include but are not limited to inebriation, bad breath, loss of income, suffering a break-up, this may also be extended to not receiving a call back although this will be assessed on a case by case basis etc.
5. Splitting chocolate is acceptable in the event of a shortage or a large borrowing crowd however this excludes Humpty Dumpty's as such commodities are reserved strictly for the owners (please keep in mind that this is not unreasonable considering this product is only available once a year). The owners still hold dibs to a whole piece if desired. The owners can probably get away with splitting in normal scenarios, since it is their chocolate anyway, but this is not the best conduct and should be avoided.
Please note that these rules may be applied in the event of a vegemite shortage, although as a new tub of Vegemite is scheduled to arrive later this week, thus meeting the owners immediate need, such rules will be adjourned until such disaster arises.
WARNING: OFF LIMITS
Now that it's evident that we have way too much time on our hands, we'll have much more to report next week as Lisa arrives this week.
Love
Lydia and Julia x
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